A note to regular readers...

I seem to have a lot of words this morning.  This is not the first thing I’ve written.  In fact, I’ve already written several pages in the last few hours.  And to be very forthcoming, I’ve actually been writing every few days for the last couple of weeks. 

But there is a distinct difference between writing and posting.

I realize that if you are a regular reader, the consistency of my posts might imply my overall health and productivity.  That’s a little interesting to think about.  So I thought it prudent to also write to YOU this morning.  I value your considerate time and thought, and I always welcome your input.

To consider the intent of this blog, is to also consider what concepts I usually reflect upon.  It started out as a recovery blog about alcohol abuse.  Simply put, my first priority was to be open and vocal about this journey and to address common misconceptions about shame, addiction, recovery and their effects on my family and myself.

So this brings me to another concept as a whole, a concept that I have been actively researching, as well as partaking in the first efforts to express my thoughts and feelings regarding it.  In written form.  But now is not the time to be posting about it.

I’ll be pretty clear and say that a little drama has entered my life.  I did not intend this, but it certainly has arrived as very clear and present danger.  It is from outside forces, and it affects me personally, as well as my entire family. And sure, it has produced a little fear as well.  I know this fear very intimately, so I welcomed its knocking, invited it in, and I’m sitting with it awhile.  I’m strategizing from a place of rational thought and contemplative prayer, as well as massive support from Mike, my parents and a few people close to me.

At some point, I’ll be able to write about it fully…not necessarily the specifics of the event, but the overall concept that the event is derived from.  I not only find it important to talk about, but I find it a CALLING to bring it to the forefront of thought for myself and anyone who reads my words.  In a serendipitous way, my research has coincided with these current events that I speak of.  Maybe that’s a “God thing.”  I like to think that it is.

But whatever IT is, I am grateful for the insight that my reading has produced.  I am able to recognize the fear, regulate my own emotions, and move forward in objective thought and positive intention.  Again, I do this for myself, but also for my children.  They are directly affected by what is happening at the moment, and I must consider my personal actions of utmost importance. 

My children are watching.  They are learning.  I am teaching them how to handle situations such as these with self-respect, intent for positive outcomes and overflowing love and concern for their physical, emotional and mental well-being.

I’ll leave you with the full disclosure that I am healthful in every way at this moment.  I am strong, and I will handle this fear with care.  This threat is not new, but my reactions to it may determine the outcome.

I don’t mean this note to sound off alarm of any kind. That would be annoying for me to do. But the last time I took a break, I had several people “checking in” on me. Ha! That was beautiful, but that’s not my intent here.

Let my words be a reflection of all that is good and kind in this world.  And let my intent be nothing but showing strength and fortitude in times of trial.

I love you all, and I will return when the moment feels right.  These coming mornings need to be spent alone.  Sometimes, that’s when I do my best work, always knowing that I feel even stronger once my husband has walked down these stairs.

Don’t worry at all. I’ll be back.

Much love to you all,

Jen