The time has come

It’s 3:00 am in the morning, and I’m awake.  Believe me.  I don’t want to be, but I’m dealing with issues that are not new to me in any way, unfortunately.  Staying asleep for the recommended 8 hours has been a challenge for many years and seems to be a particular problem in times of stress…so, I’m not really surprised.   

I tend to just roll with it, frankly.  I’ll take it easy today, always aware of my lack of rest, and make sure that I don’t affect others negatively by my fatigue that will likely crest around noon today. 

I’m prepared.  I know what’s coming, so I’m not all too worried.  These PJ’s will be my uniform throughout the workday, and this calm and positive mindset will protect me and others.

It’s important to learn from past behavior and to also adjust your coping strategies when a threat presents itself.  You know, just look at your own past behaviors, see where you were unproductive, and decide what might work better in the future.

And yeah, lack of sleep isn’t the most pressing and current threat.

Unfortunately, there are a few hanging around this household.

I suppose I could be dramatic with my presentation of the facts, but that’s not really my style.  I tend to take whatever comes my way and just deal with it.  I don’t mean to imply that I’m not proactive in my life.  On the contrary, actually.  I’ve just learned to be diligent and wise with my own personal protective efforts.  They must be ongoing.  They must be well-educated.  And they must be conscious.

The new issue is that a member of our household has tested positive for Covid-19.  Yep, we received that call from the lab yesterday evening around 9:00 pm.  It would have been really nice if that information could have come this morning after a good night’s sleep, but I suppose it was important news to receive.  I mean, what would’ve changed throughout the night, really?  We’re all exposed, so “it is what it is”. 

Mike hates that saying.  He audibly scoffs anytime that I use it, but it seems pretty appropriate right now.  We can’t change the results.  We can’t go back in time and make different decisions about the safety of our household.  We must accept it and adjust our actions accordingly.  And hope for the best, I suppose.  That’s another saying that sounds pretty limp, right?  Let me channel it a little differently.  “HOPE FOR THE BEST!”  Just assume that I wrote that in my best cheerleader-esque voice.  Did you hear it?

But truthfully, we’ve already been as contained within these walls as seemed warranted for the last few months.  We haven’t protested.  We haven’t been in large gatherings with others.  We’ve done a lot of curbside grocery pickup, but we HAVE gone into stores for small trips while wearing masks.  But I’ll be entirely forthcoming.  My teens have had more freedom in the last weeks and have begun working at their place of employment (wearing a mask and having temperature checked) and attended outdoor practices for year-round baseball that have just resumed.  I have made expectations very clear, as far as their conduct when partaking in these activities, but I’ve also just had to let some of that control go.

I DO believe that my mindset started to change just a little as the numbers started to rise in Texas.  I started to assume that it was very likely that it would come sooner or later.  I mean, I was still being diligent in our protection, but I was preparing myself for the inevitable as well.  I knew that our visits with our aging relatives had probably come to an end for quite some time, and I am thankful that I had the time with them that I did, over the last couple of months.  We had a couple of nice visits last month, and that must be enough until this pandemic takes a turn and begins to relent.

I was a little shocked at first, but my next thought was…”oh shit, I’m not going to sleep well tonight”.  See?  I mean, I know this drill.  I knew I would have a bad night. I’ll crash tonight, with a little help from a sleep aid, and feel better rested tomorrow.  All is well.

So, that’s a physical threat.  Our family member is asymptomatic, so my hope is that we all will be.  Because I do assume that we are all carriers at this moment.  We all feel fine, and everyone else is sleeping here, so they are doing better than myself.  Who knows how long we’ve been positive?  If in fact, we all are.  There’s only one of us who has been tested, and that was only prompted by the knowledge that they were exposed to another asymptomatic carrier.

We’re the biggest threat, ya’ll. 

Households just like ours.  And if you have teenagers, it’s likely that ours looks eerily similar to YOURS.

It is what it is. I’m not pessimistic, but often, the time will come when you need to call upon your reserves. How has your immune system been hangin’ lately? How is your mental and emotional health? And how, exactly, have you been preparing yourself and your household?

And at certain moments in my life, I can say that there’s always more.  Sometimes this fact gets annoying, but I’m sure it’s a reality for us all.  Sometimes it feels like the shit just keeps being flung our way, right? We are asked to accept several threats at once and challenged to remain calm and deal with them to the best of our ability.  Save the drama, man.  Those kinds of reactions are never helpful.

The last time I wrote, I referenced the drama.  It’s not a physical threat, so I’m grateful for only one of those right now.  I promise I’m not being dramatic when I say that my own mental and emotional fortitude has been threatened yet again.  I already told you that it’s not anything new, so you can be assured that I’ve been preparing myself for quite some time.  I’ve dealt with it for years, sometimes not dealing with it so healthfully…but for the last 504 days, it’s gotten increasingly easier to deal with. 

You see, on some level I accepted that it will always be a looming threat.  That individual is a carrier of ill-intent, and they do not want the best for me.  That’s not being negative, it’s just being realistic.  I mean, it is what it is.  Until they show me something different, I will always have to protect my own personal wellness, as well as the wellness of my household.  They do not support my emotional stability, and I must consider them a threat, really. 

Oh man, that’s totally against my nature.  I love people and I love relating to individuals of all sorts of beliefs and values. 

BUT?  You teach people how to treat you, and 504 days ago, I decided that I would be a teacher of a new reality.  One where I am armed and ready if someone intrudes.  Not aggressive, but merely protective of my personal space and also protective of the hearts, minds, and bodies of my children.

And I learned that I am very protective of my efforts in sobriety.  You question my sobriety?  When I’ve proven my success physically?

You do that, and “them’s fighting words”.  I don’t like being provoked, but when appropriate, I will fight back.

I’ve never been willing to fight.  I mean, not too hard.  Just do the bare minimum to achieve a little peace, but sometimes, you must meet a person where they are…if it’s not going too far.  You must protect your reality and seek to make the other person see it.  Especially when there is proof. 

Lord.  Really?  We’re going to argue with science?

So, we have the results of two tests staring us in the mirror this morning. I’m not kidding. Both results came in yesterday. One test came back positive, and that’s not a welcomed reality.  Covid has arrived.

But another test came back negative…the one that questioned my sobriety. This is what I expected, of course, but it’s nice to have proof. That’s a good thing, ya’ll. 

They both prove what I already knew to be true.  We must protect ourselves from threats that are present…which lie dormant, but always have the ability to show themselves.

In both cases, I like to think that I’m showing my children how to deal with life.  Negative forces are present.  As hopeful and positive as I always like to be…know that I’m also not a fool.

We’ll be diligent in our efforts in physical health, but also be making all sorts of Covid jokes today…because that’s the kind of family we are.  We deal with the crap of life with humor and a generous spirit.  It’s not being flippant. It’s just deciding how we’re going to approach our reality and make sure that these threats don’t invade our psyches. We all have that kind of control.

We will take what comes our way, but be aware that how we handle threats, can also help determine the outcomes. 

Rest well, ya’ll.  It is what it is. 

In our household, we will…HOPE FOR THE BEST!

The time is upon us to use our reserves. I am grateful that we’ve been preparing, and that we are ready to fight back and stay healthy.